As the resident ‘Real Fairy Godmother‘ for Female First Magazine I’ve answered their latest reader dilemma below..

John asks :

Why am I still single? I am 31 years old and I have been single most of my life I’ve had two 3 month relationships and countless dates but I can never seem to keep a girl interested. I have a nice car my own house and I’m an area manager for a supermarket so I’m on decent money and I am degree educated. I am currently working on losing my weight and getting the body I want my social life isn’t that great because I’ve been focused on 5,9 so okish height. I can keep conversation going and dress well so I just don’t get why am still single.

I can never seem to keep a girl interested.

I can never seem to keep a girl interested.

Dear John,

It’s a quandary but appears that you would tick lots of boxes from willing and eager women out on the dating scene.

Dating isn’t just about being eligible physically and materially, we also need to check on a few ‘E’ areas:

Expectations – are you being unrealistic when it comes to your wish list?

Emotional Availability – are you asking questions and listening to their responses and ready to engage at an emotional level?

Empathy – are you connecting and finding out what you have in common?  People like people like them.  We love to hang out with people that make us feel understood.

Eroticism – Are you timing your moves well?  Not too fast and not too slow – it probably sounds like a minefield but by building rapport with women and practicing the power of your intuition you will soon easily sense their rhythm and flow.

You don’t mention what happened with the past two girlfriends.  It is difficult to advise you without more information but why not check out a few sessions with a good dating coach?  Persia Lawson comes highly recommended and has even written a book about the subject.

In the meantime make a list of the girls you’ve dated, every single one of them.  Put their names on the left hand side of the page.

Now in the next column tick if you were interested in them.

In the next column, write why the connection failed.  Your instinct.  What was missing?  What was too much?

By looking for patterns you could uncover a simple unconscious behaviour or strategy that’s been set up to protect you.