Often it came in the form of physical problems – a broken foot, a kidney infection or simply a bad cold.
At other times it came in the form of a row with a loved one, a tricky employee or a customer letting off steam.
My reaction to them was either to avoid completely or it was to let out rage.
Not by chance I had the opportunity to appear in a video, to be interviewed about my life and my work. I didn’t really want to do it but actually it was the most beautiful gift I could have received….
You see, I didn’t want to watch it.
I couldn’t bear to look at myself.
When Michelle gently encouraged me to take a look I felt sick to the stomach at what I saw unfold.
I had done (or so I thought) a great job at presenting to the outside world, what I wanted it to see.
But sitting in my PJs staring at the screen it was like I was viewing someone who was so disconnected to both herself and the outside world that I didn’t recognise her, as me.
I saw someone so scared of her own truth that she felt the need to talk her way through all the fluff, to present a polished example of someone who really had it all going right.
Enough was enough.
Michelle invited me onto the EDI two day workshop.
I am not going to lie, I was so apprehensive as to what I was going to uncover that I had a hard time not pressing some of my old destruct buttons. What got me to the front door of Sydney Road was the absolute belief that I was in safe hands. If there was one person in the world that I would trust with my demons, it was Michelle.
The moment I stepped through the door I felt enormous relief. Meeting CJ was like being embraced and accepted by the kindest gentlest man I have ever met.
Words cannot really describe what the following two days did for me, but I will have a go.
Imagine two mountains with a tightrope in-between them.
Now imagine that underneath the tightrope are the softest pillows to land on.
Now imagine that you have a pair of wings on your back that you flap as you are taking the first steps.
Now imagine that on the opposite mountain are your EDI colleagues cheering you on and encouraging you to join them.
Now imagine that two expert pairs of hands are walking alongside you as you take each step to the other side.
That is, for me what my EDI experience was.
I have a long way still to go, other tightropes to walk.
Give me that mountain… I am ready now.
Bridget Hunt, London